• Sam Palmer

Witchcraft- I Think

Updated: May 19, 2021





Here's the thing nobody tells you about witch craft when you're first starting out... it's hard! Like really hard. I'd never been a star student, but that wasn't a concern when I started doing the research on this stuff. I was picturing more like lighting candles, burning sage, having an herb garden. I can handle that. In fact, I was hoping for that. But turns out, you have to study. You have to learn. You have to know formulas and properties and memorize stuff. And let's just say, I'm proving not to be a star witch either.


But I spent a whole paycheck on books, crystals, and dried herbs. I started dressing the way I think witches should dress. Layers. Lots and lots of layers. I stopped using product in my hair so it could be wild and unkempt. I play the Stevie Nicks station on repeat all day, and even put a little plant of rosemary in my kitchen window. For good luck, obviously. Or was it to attract money? Well, either way, it's a good thing.


But every time I attempt a spell it fails. Miserably. Like so so bad. One spell, which was supposed to be an easy one, was for rain. I went out, set up my altar, got all the right colored candles, and found what I think was the right wild mushrooms and flowers. Though, now that I think about it, that might be where I went wrong. All the mushrooms look the same to me. But anyways, I set it all up, waited for the full moon, took all my clothes off and chanted the words. Well, what I think were the right words. Hard to say if I'm pronouncing them right or not. But anyways, like I was saying, I did it all. I felt really good about it. According to the book, the next day should've been a lovely gray day with light showers throughout. That is not what happened.


Not only was the next day sunny and hot, but now I think I have a spirit in my house. Yep. Pretty sure I conjured some kind of ghost, or at least I hope it is a ghost and not something worse. I woke up and my hair was braided around my head board. You know those brass head boards with the spindles all the way across it? Yeah, one of those. My hair was braided so that my head was tied to my bed. Not a fun way to wake up, let me tell you. But I managed to untie myself, and I racked my brain on how it possibly could have happened. Did I eat one of those weird mushrooms last night? I wondered. But then hopped out of bed and into the kitchen to start my normal witchy routines. Kettle for tea on the stove, honey and oats for breakfast, and then some meditation and chanting while burning the right incense to promote opening my third eye. Or at least, I think it was the right incense. Purple was either for the third eye, or for fertility. I can't remember now. But anyways, there I was sitting cross legged on the floor chanting and trying to focus on my third eye, when all of a sudden I heard something clatter to the floor. I opened my eyes to see my rose quartz had fallen from my mantle and somehow landed across the room in front of me.


I know I already stated I wasn't a star student, but what little I did learn in physics class, I knew this wasn't possible. Now I was starting to piece together that there was someone other than me in the house, and I got nervous. Like really nervous. I stood up and called out asking if anyone was there. No answer. Thank Goddess, because I think I would have fainted. I wonder if it was trying to tell me something with the rose quartz. Rose quartz was for inner peace, I think. Or maybe it was for love. Damn, I wish I could remember. So, either this entity was trying to mess with my inner peace or my love life. Either way, I'm not a fan.


I read all the books and pretty much all of them say to burn sage to cleanse. But I don't have any of that on hand, and like I previously stated, I already spent my paycheck. So, I bundled up some of that rosemary I had in the window, which wasn't even dried out, but I gave it Hell anyways. Big mistake. The thing smoked like crazy and smelled terrible. I was choking so much I couldn't even get out the words to the spell for cleansing. And the spirit must not have liked it much either because now my faucets keep turning on and off, and all of my underwear are now suspended in midair in the dining room.


So, if you have any knowledge of witchcraft, literally any at all, I'm asking for some assistance. I've read all of my books, and even scoured some forums online, but have found nothing. But is there anyway that using wild mushrooms, flowers, candles, a likely mispronounced rain spell, then burning incense and fresh rosemary and another sloppily done spell could invoke some kind of mischievous underwear banshee? Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.



- Not a star witch

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